Cameroon: how to distinguish a Francophone from an Anglophone

What I am going to write below may unit the currently feuding brothers and sisters or drive them more further apart. Yes, Anglophones and Francophones are Cameroonians with two colonially inherited cultures. Another thing that I have noticed with most Cameroonians, especially Francophones is equally that, out of pride, they refuse to acknowledge that, their country was not created by Cameroonians but by Europeans, that is the first disturbing truth.

Now, how do you know a Cameroonian is Anglophone or Francophone? It is first on the geographical location of the artificial set up called Cameroon. Francophones claim that, Cameroon is located in central Africa, while Anglophones claim that , their country is in West Africa. Between both, who is correct? I humbly think that, it is the second.

Second point of dispute: To know a Cameroonian is either French-speaking or English-speaking, ask both what they take for breakfast. The first or its elite will take baguette while the second prefers the loaf,popularly known as Kumba, bread.

However, I must quickly point out that, I have noticed a silent victory being won by Anglophones in the other conflict being silently fought:”Cameroonian culinary war”. Today, most Francophones have started consuming not only “our loaf”, but they have also become avid consumers of “Waterfofo and Eru” or “Corn shaft”.

It is the beginning of an inevitable take over, which will be completed, when the anglophone slow surreptitious political power conquest grabs hold of the slippery political terrain.

In clear terms, Anglophone culinary victory over the Francophone, is a presage of what is in stock for the future of this wobbling nation called Cameroon. Then if you want to see why EML Endeley must be smiling in his grave,when people recall his famous saying: oil and water can not be mixed, visit the towns of Buea, Victoria, Kumba and even Bamenda and then you come to back Douala, Yaoundé and Bafoussam. What do you observe? The difference can’t be any more clearer than what will follow below.

The former are orderly and Clean. Her people are welcoming, but in the francophone Cameroonian city of Douala, yes our economic capital, it’s disaster waiting to unfold. It is a gigantic refuse dump. A cesspool of corruption and aggressive people. Douala is the reflection of all what is bad with French colonised people.

In their maddenin traffic jams at Rond Point Deido, Feu Rouge Bessengue or Ndokoti, people haul insults at each. They are synonymous to an atomistic set up that are constantly at war with each other. Ah, the Francophone man! Their girls call us les Bamenda , a generic appellation for all Anglophones which could also be a euphemism to stupidity. Well, if they are not themselves stupid, is it bad to be generous in cash and kind with a woman that you love? Even it is for a one night stand.

Before I forget, their men call our girls or women: Bayangui,a metaphor for prostitute. So, anglophones girls are the ones who invented the old trade?

The other dichotomy between the “frogs’ and the “rose beef” of the tropics, is history. To most Francophones, their national heroes are Ruben Um Nyobe , Osende Afana or Ernest Ouandjie while to the Anglophones: EML Endeley, Kale, John Ngu Foncha or Augustin Ngum.

And finally, if you see a brutal, show and tell or proud and rude Cameroonian, who is always resigned and doesn’t like to fight for his/her and is ready to betray or likes excessive pleasure, I bet you, he/she is a Francophone. Conversely, an Anglophone is gentle, respectful or law abiding, hence their Francophone brothers/sisters mistake their meekness for weakness. But above all else, while Anglophone Cameroonians are patient, they know how to fight and defend their rights.

And that is exactly what is happening now in the country which has left Francophones spellbound. Now my question is: how can a people who can’t agree on geography, history and even breakfast, claim to be one? I will like to know or have your views on this debate. Good evening from Douala, La Republique du Cameroun.

Elie Smith