Last week I had a deep conversation with a long lost friend, 5 years plus since we last spoke. We laughed, we cried, we shared our stories, we laughed at our mistakes and gave each other virtual hugs. During this conversation, my friend had a bunch of complaints and after we diagnosed her issues, I shared of few words of advice with her, and I want to share them with you guys, I hope it can benefit some ladies out there still making the same mistake in the relationships they get into.
Ladies, please it doesn’t matter what your age is, when you get into a relationship with a guy you like and you think he is successful or has potentials according to your standards, remove the MARRIAGE AGENDA from your head and ENJOY the relationship. I know too many ladies who start dating a guy, and two days after, he seems like the ONE because you just found out where he works and you think because you are in your late 20s or 30s,with a booming career as a nurse, or whatever field you are in, it is time to settle down. All of sudden, these women only start thinking about when he will ask for their hand in marriage and pressuring the guy to make a move. Everything the guy does, you don’t appreciate, because according to you, he should be “putting a ring on it”. Every sacrifice you make for him, all of a sudden, has to be rewarded with “a ring on it”.
Please ladies, STOP!
When you meet an amazing man, or someone you think meets your standards (whatever they are), go in with the intention of having a great relationship. Stop focusing on the end game, and enjoy the ride. If you decide to do something for him, do it because you like/love him, not because you expect to be rewarded with marriage. A lot of girls have lost out on good guys because they were so obsessed about getting married that they started treating the guy badly for taking too long to pop the question. These girls will do things for these men no one forced them to do, and then when the men don’t marry them, they will be saying ‘I did all these things for him, he still didn’t marry me.” You are so wrong boo!
As harsh as this may sound, “NOT EVERYONE WILL GET MARRIED”. Marriage is not for everyone. Finding the right man, getting married, and staying HAPPILY married, is a gift from God. It has nothing to do with how amazing you are or he is, it is all God. That’s why marriages that are not ordained by God, are unhappy, and those that are, are just filled with love. Even in the bible, I never heard of Mary Magdalene or Martha being married, and yet they had favor with the Lord. This goes to show YOU ARE NOT less of a woman because you are not married, no one becomes better than you because they got married. God blesses us DIFFERENTLY, but EQUALLY. That’s why someone will get a fulfilling marriage, and another will get a fulfilling career.
This just goes to show that, every relationship you get into, must not end up in marriage, so forget the “Marriage Agenda”, and just enjoy your journey with a good man if you find one. Give the relationship your best and love with your soul; if it takes you down the aisle, great, if it doesn’t, keep the good memories and move on. But stop depriving yourselves of a good time coz you are waiting for a ring. There is no age when it comes to settling down, so forget that biological clock thing. Babies are still being made at 40 and up. And God will place the right man in your life, when He chooses, not when you think you are ready.
My long lost friend was telling me how she missed out on two amazing men that came her way because she kept asking them when they would take the relationship to the next level, and the pressure pushed them away. She never understood why a smart girl like her, with a good heart, a great career, good family upbringing, a slamming body with brains to go with it, and her God-fearing nature could not make these men pop the question within 6months to a year. She thought she would be married 5years ago, it has not happened, and she is not less of a woman, in fact, she is more amazing now than she ever was. And I can assure you guys that if she listens to my advice, she will enjoy her next relationship to the fullest. If it takes her down the aisle, I will be present, and I will share pictures with you guys; if it doesn’t, she would have had a great relationship with memories to last her a lifetime and I will still be present in her life. There is no losing in this matter, cause there will always be lessons learned that will make the next relationship better.
By Lilly Mbinglo For BaretaNews.